Note: Start reading at “The Why”
Today I had my Rheumatologist appt. So first let me say that I was that I had to google what a Rheumatologist was and what they did. When I arrived I noticed I was the youngest one in the entire building. And a man came and sat down next to me and said “Hey, young thang how are you? What are you doing in a place like this” AHHHHHH😆😆😆😆😆sir please leave me alone. I did not say this but i’m sure my face did. They took x-rays of my hands and feet, which was a humiliating experience for me. When they take an x-ray of your feet they ask you to lift up your leg and hold it. She ask so politely and I was sure that I could get my leg up to where my foot of one leg was knee height of the other. NOPE !! I couldn’t! I wanted to cry as I was climbing up the step prop they had for people who couldn’t do what she ask. I know those people are old and I should be able to do this. I use to be able to do this. I use to be able to lift my leg. I can’t lift my leg high or even medium anymore. I was so humiliated! Even though I know that she was not thinking anything about it I was embarrassed for myself. They also did a full panel of blood work including ANA (autoimmune stuff). Now, lol I hope that get some answers because she said a lot!!!!! She also wrote me a script for Lyrica when I told her about the adverse side effects of the Neurontin. I did not tell her I was no longer taking anything because I know she would have tried to persuade me.
Tonight my leg hurt so bad I want to just cut it off!!! It is an internal freezing feeling that’s on my bone that makes it ring like the echoing of a Tuba or screeching sound of chalk but only inside of my leg. All the while my foot is on fire. I am in so much pain all I can do is call his name “JESUS” “Jesus” “JESUS I need you to take the pain away”. The bible says we have not because we ask not… nope not me I’m asking!! Lord I need you to heal me. I need you to take this pain away from me. Lord don’t let my bones dry up!! Please God!!
How I feel: