Self-Talk Battle

Note: Start reading at “The Why”
What Happened:
Today was extremely rough!!! My entire body hurts to be touched. I feel like hot worms are crawling through the sand all over my body. I cried most of the way to work because sitting and pushing the gas pedal are two very painful tasks right now. Task….funny that word is used a lot at work. It usually is not only things the clients are to do but typically something not preferred.so it is followed up with a reinforcement.  The drive there I did my normal self pep talk to get me motivated. It went like this ” I cant do this, Yes I can I have to, I should just call in, If I call in now its too late to find a sub, I cant be touched and the kids will touch me- they always touch me, if I go back then I’ve only wasted gas coming, just get out of the car already. Then my mom called and my mind was distracted and I had to put on a happy face and voice, even though I know she can tell. I played it off.
Today’s task list was:
1. Drive to the city I work in
2. Stop crying
3. Walk in Kroger and get 2 bananas
4. Drive to work
5. Walk in
6. Have a good day and don’t leave early.
7. Ttypically where we would put the reinforcing item that would make me want to complete the above. Nothing, I have nothing.
Lol then I got a text from my immediate supervisor saying we were short handed today and that staff would be swapped around to cover the 4 people that called in sick. So there my answer was…. I was going to work. I pulled up and waited for my legs to say it was ok to get out. I did! I walked in with me feet screaming and the clothes on my body piercing my skin. BUT  I walked in and I stayed!!! BUT GOD!!!! I have now been in bed for hours all to no avail and now my butt and hips hurt. Lol! Maybe I will get plenty of sleep because I have 3 classes tomorrow plus work.
How I feel:
Like a human pin cushion with no visible pins. I cut on my air today because it is HOT but now the cold air is piercing my skin and my everything hurts. Dear God, please just allow the pain to be better tomorrow. I am reminded of the song and my pastors’ message on Sunday that  God will never put more on you than you can bare. Whewww He knows I am stronger than I feel lol. So tomorrow will be a  better day!
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