The Weekend- The Storm

On Friday I set out to stay in the house on Saturday. Have a staycation if you will. I needed sometime to just have no responsibilities, no demands, no people….I needed to disconnect and breathe! Saturday was great. My pain level was down and I slept in and then took plenty of naps. Around 12pm I took my morning meds because I was just getting up.I called my mom to let her know what a great pain free day I was having. Mother nature came for her visit (ugh!! Due to birth control I haven’t seen her  in a while so I guess its ok). I read in the support group how often times a woman’s monthly can make symptoms of FMS worse. Of course my body would be different and I was loving it!!! I cleaned my house and then stood on my feet for 6 hours braiding my hair. I am not pleased with the results and will be redoing it…..I digress. I finished my hair around 11:30pm and took pm meds. At this point I was in a little pain in my legs and back but who wouldn’t be? I dozed off and woke up at 12:47 in sooo much excruciating pain I could barley move to grab my phone. By the time I reached my phone I felt as if I could not catch my breath. My chest was heavy and hurt. My left shoulder/arm hurt as well. I was terrified. I just knew that this was it, I was going to die. Alone. I couldn’t die. I just couldn’t. I started saying to myself over and over again “you can breathe” “you can breathe” “just breathe” “Jesus I need you” “breathe” At this point I realized I actually could breathe and although it was hard that I hadn’t died yet so I must be able to breathe. I checked my heart rate and it was elevated but beating. I was not going to die!!  I was still terrified but I didn’t want to wake my parents if I could help it. I do not have medical insurance at the moment so I didn’t want to call the ambulance or go to the ER. So I text my sister to see if she was up. I filled her in on what was going on and told her I needed 10 min checks. I chose 10 min because if I was in need of assistance she could get here and I would still be ok. Looking back on it now it really doesn’t make sense…… but it did last night! I begin to think “panic attack” so I quickly wrote in the support group on facebook “Can extreme pain cause panic attacks” three people responded almost immediately that yes it can. I also googled the symptoms of panic attacks, how long they last and what could be done. This attack(shortness of breath, blurred vision, sweating and pain/heaviness in my chest) lasted for 36 minutes and a little over an hour before I could breathe normally. Of course because I was scared and could only think about “I cant let my mom find me, find my body” “what would my family do” “did I do what God wanted me to” tears ran. I tried to calm myself down but fear made it so incredibly hard. I finally cut on some music and drank some cool water. That helped some as did talking to my sister. After I was calm and not dead I was extremely exhausted, more than normal. I slept until 8:30 am (missed my church) but I had planned to support my friend in singing in the choir at my moms church. So I was still able to get some word! Today has been exhausting. I am soo sleepy and thirsty. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life but not really present. I have homework and I need to cook for the week but first I had to take a nap. I completed half of my assignments and decided to take a break and write you guys!!! I am hyper aware of every move I make. I feel everything and it makes me more tired. I am a little nervous to go to sleep tonight but I do know that God kept me last night and He will keep me again tonight!
“Its over now
I feel like I can make it
The storm is over now
No more crying at night
No more heartache
No more suffering
No more sickness in my body
The storm is over now..
If I walk alone
I’m NOT on my own”

And for that I am very thankful!

I hope you guys had an amazing weekend and have a great week!! I am expecting something good to happen in my life everyday. I am looking for it!!!

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