Not What I Wanted

Whats up people!!

Earlier last week I posted some feelings that were accurate but not exactly upbeat or positive. I had several people reach out to me to check on me and offer encouraging words. I know these are people that genuinely care about me but this is one of the things I was hesitant about. It may be just the way I view things. I may just have to work on that. I am told often that it’s ok to let people be there for me, its ok to say I need help, or to tell the truth about my pain, it’s ok to not be ok…..I struggle with this thought. If people know that i’m not ok then what? How will they view me? I don’t want or need sympathy but will it look like that is what i’m looking for? It’s just  a slippery slope that I am just not sure how to navigate. Being vulnerable in the past hasn’t ended well so I have to figure this out.

Today has been so less than great. I have been stressed and my body feels it. I feel like I am failing at life, school, work at both day and night job, and in my personal relationships. I suck at life right now. UGHHHH!! Not to mention I am extremely emotional all the time and angry at people I love. I am also easily irritable.  I hope it gets better.

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Today was a very emotional day.  I made some adult decisions that were hard and life changing. Adulting sucks but I know it will get easier. I also have a face to face via the internet mini test with my professor. I only started studying this morning. I did well on the face to face test. I am happy considering that I am unable to focus, emotionally drained and sleep deprived. My emotions are completely out of whack!!! My body definitely feels all that has happened today. Something feels off…I hope tonight goes well and I get some sleep because we leave at 4am for the beach! I soo need this vacay. I hope my body plays nice this time and the weather is warm because that will help.
Peace out loves!!

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