He Knows

Monday after work I ended up having a panic attack for 107 min. Luckily I was at a place where I could pull over easily. My muscles were locking up and it was awful! I knocked my phone into the passenger side floor. Which made it impossible for me to answer phone calls. My car has Bluetooth and it shows you who is calling but you have to push a button to answer. I could see my mom calling and see it light up with text but I couldn’t answer it at all. It’s like being trapped and seeing people but not being able to get their attention. It finally eased up and my mom met me and trailed me home. I missed my class but my zumba friends sprung into action praying and looking for me. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who genuinely care about me.

Yesterday started off pretty good! The first part of work was a breeze. The second part no so much. I had a kid become aggressive and it took a lot of brute strength to block and restrain the child. While restraining I used my hands of course and my body to block. I could feel my legs starting to burn. After 45 min I could tell my actions at that moment were not going to be good for my life later on. I grabbed some cold water, a cool cloth to calm and went outside to calm me down and allow my body to relax. It was too late.

By then my toes were cramping, my calf muscles were tight and burning, my legs from mid thigh down ached. my upper right part of my back felt pulled and my fingers ached. All the from 45 min of work🤦🏾‍♀️ But as bad as it hurts I would do it all again to help change this child’s life. Luckily by the time I gathered myself it was time to clock out. I had just enough time to take a quick nap before class. So usually I can tell my body to push through or just bring it down a notch. Last night I was thinking about my feet and just could not come up with a game plan on how I was gone teach this class. It was 30 min before class was suppose to start and it was too late cancel! All I could think was “what am I going to do” “how am I going to do this” “I’m not gone be able to fake it” “I can barely walk”!

I started getting out of the car 6:25 and there were no cars in the parking lot! It was a little odd but hey people run late. 6:40 came and still no one. NO ONE ever showed! I ended up talking to the owner for 2 hours and stretching my body really good. But God! He knew I wasn’t going to be able to teach it. He made a way when I had no way! I made it home and to my bed without any mishaps!! Thank you God!!

I also contacted my doctor yesterday but of course I haven’t gotten a resolution. They called me back @5:31pm. I missed their call and returned it @5:37pm and they were closed. I am not sure but I now think it may be the medicine that is causing me to have panic attacks. I also need more pain meds.


It’s 5:35pm no call today from them at all. I really have to find a new doctor! This is really ridiculous! My doctor isn’t garbage but his staff is😡 so irritating! If people depend on you for health you kind of need to make sure you’re dependable! Any who… I’m headed to take my final test for this semester then study and get prepared for the fluency test tonight @10:25! Yes I said TEN TWENTY FIVE at night! But this is it! I just have to grind through these last few assignments and I’m done! I can do this!!! But first I’m going to take a 10 min car nap!

Last update for today:

Made a 92 on my test and got 14 on my fluency cards my goal was 15. I am done with today!! My pain is bearable and all is well. All in all I am so glad God knows what I need even when I don’t. I’m glad He will deliver when I don’t know what I need. He is the I AM and I am beyond blessed. Goodnight to all and to all a goodnight 😘


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