My Hero

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and it was amazing!!! The entire weekend was awesome! Saturday was spent with my immediate family and my Aunt Julia (like my grandmother) at my dads’ moms grave. It was hot but it was so great hanging out with them. Then my mom, my sister and I went to eat at a new place that served amazing chicken and waffles and shrimp and grits. THEN we went shopping! After that I went to a going away fish fry for some friends. I got home around 8:30pm. My bestie and goddaughters came @9 to hang out. We laughed and had so much fun! The girls had a dance battle. Then of course we had to show them what dancing really was! We got down to Motownphilly by Boys II Men! We were jamming!!

Afterwards my bestie and I tag teamed my hair to braid it up. We finished around 2 am. Just in time to take a quick nap before getting up @6 to start Mother’s Day.

I could already tell the day was going to be rough pain wise but nothing I can’t handle right🤷🏾‍♀️ I went to church with my mom and dad. It was a great service but about half way through the pain set in STRONG! I went to the bathroom and gave my body a pep talk:

“Ok look…it’s pain. You’ve dealt with pain. It’s cold but you’ve dealt with that too! Today is not about you so get it together! Suck it up and get it done! It’s not about you”

Now it didn’t make the pain go away but it dries up the tears. After church we went to my aunts house to celebrate with my moms sides of the family. It was nice and there was so much food!!!! We ate and laughed and ate and laughed lol.

After leaving I ran errands. I was able to fake feeling ok until about around 6:30pm. I begin getting hot and I felt nauseous. I got in my car thinking I could make it to my moms. I was about a block away. I got 1/2mi out and started getting extremely weak. I felt like I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I started to pull over then I thought “wait you can make it. It’s not far”. I figured if I could make it there at least I was at home. I was able to coast right up to my parents home. I parked on the street. I then thought about how I would get someone to notice me because at this point my limbs were going numb. I looked up and my mom was pulling in the driveway!!!! How did she know? Oh my God thank you!!!! I lifted my leg up and blew my horn until she came over there. I had lost the ability to move my arms, hands, legs and feet🤦🏾‍♀️ I was crying uncontrollably and I kept telling myself that I was ok. But I wasn’t. At least it didn’t feel like it. I felt like I was fading away. I was too weak to move the parts I could and I kept trying and failing to move the others. It was awful and I felt hopeless. Then there was my mom cheering me on. I’m tearing up thinking about her being there talking to me, routing me on, reminding me I was ok am massaging my hand and praying. My father also came out to the car. You know when he comes it’s time to move! I just couldn’t yet.

We waited another 30 minutes. I was finally able to move my arms (not my hands). I used my arms and my abs to sit me up. Moma stayed with me, praying and massaging my hands! Eventually I was able to try and get to the side of the car to stand up. My next main mission was to get to the house. My Smaller mission was to stand up. We counted and my mom tried to help me up on my feet. I got up and went back down 😂😂 fail! My feet were there but not working and my legs were weak. I had her get my crutches. She said “how are you going to hold the crutches”? Well I didn’t know but I knew I had no other choice! I grabbed the crutches and put them under my armpit. I wrapped my arm and wrist around the inside of the crutch so I could move them. I put my weight on the crutch instead of my feet and I made it on in the house!!! Talking about proud!!! I was so proud of myself. I could hear my theme song playing in my head. I kind of felt like superwoman!! I chilled on the couch and watched a movie with my mom and nephew while I waited for feeling to return!

Once I got feeling in one hand and one leg I decided it was time to go home. I still had stuff to do. I still needed to finish my school work and take the dog out. I thought about my actual physical state and decided I was done with school work. Whatever it was at that point was what it was going to be. I was done. Mentally and physically. I just wanted to go home. My mom drove me to get gas while my dad and nephew checked on the puppy. I got home and got in bed. I finally got feeling in both hands around 10:30. I couldn’t understand why it was lasting longer, what was making it happen, why had this flare not ended? The one last year only lasted 5 months. This one is going into month 6. I know it was just a bad moment but it was just that… a very bad, no good, awful moment! I cried myself to sleep.

This morning I woke up very tired but with full function of my body!!! Thank you God! I am very sore and weak but… I am making it! My mom came over and checked on me this morning. I am able to walk but it’s slow and painful so I am on crutches. My eyes are tired like I’m intoxicated and my hands and back ache but again all is well!!

I cancelled my PCP appointment for today because I was able to get into a new rheumatologist specialist tomorrow morning! I am also trying to get some insurance today. My prayer is tomorrow he can help me figure out what’s going on!

I am currently working and is freezing where I am which only adds to the pain. I just need a nap. I’m so tired! I have class this evening but I’m not sure how that will work with the way my body is right now. I just want to sleep. I legitimately can’t wait to take a nap when I get off!

I was able to take a nap!! It was awesome! I’m still tired but hey💁🏾 whatever. I am headed to class. Not the best idea I know but I missed last Monday and I will not miss two in a row! On a positive more responsible note I spoke with my boss earlier and I have decided to not drive outside of Decatur at the moment. Due to me running off the road quite frequently lately I don’t think it’s responsible for me to be behind the wheel a lot. It’s a sacrifice but I know it’s what’s best!

Reflection: I have been in awe of the selflessness of my mom all day! She really amazes me. She talks about how strong I am but I know I got it from her. She taught me how to not let situations get you down. How to persevere through tough times! I am so blessed to have her as my moma😍😍 She is my hero!!

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9 thoughts on “My Hero

  1. Jacklin Downing says:

    Reading your post tonight has me in tears but tears of joy because if you can go through all that I have to put on my big girl panties and work this thing out! I’m so proud of you and how well you are handling your sickness hang on in there we got this. TRUST AND BELIEVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    LOVE JACKIE

    Like

  2. Catrena G. Jackson says:

    It took me two sittings to read this…the tears just kept coming. Tears of joy, tears of sympathy and tears of thankfulness to HIM for YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Whitney says:

    I had no clue this is how your Mothers day ended and Ik I normally just try to stay positive but i have to be honest . Im crying reading this because your my sister and I hate even just the thought of eff everything you are dealing with. I’m so sorry. But, I also feel like it’s only worse because it’s about to get better. Love you

    Like

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