This morning I woke up with the song “Already Getting Better” by William Murphy. I’m sure it’s already better on some level but I don’t feel that yet! Lord help me feel that…
Today I am irritated! My face is irritated. My fingers are irritated. My hair is irritated and my skin all over is irritated. I have been putting Vaseline… yep! Straight up Vaseline on my face and it had been soothing it but today!!!!!! Today my skin just started itching and becoming inflamed and is peeling and falling off! My back aches and my feet ache…. like dude I’m just irritated! Lol! Do you guys ever have moments where your just not a pleasant person and YOU KNOW IT! My hair and my skin is legit making my skin crawl 😂😂. Wait☝🏾 you know what I mean? Not to mention I had a friend tell me “they miss the loving me”…. well I miss that me too! My hair is shedding and in my Snap yo finga and roll ya neck voice “ya girl just ain’t happy right now! I feel like I am not in control of my life. Like nothing. I control nothing!
Ok yes I know I actually do control a lot but right now it’s the little things that are huge so don’t judge me. I would probably be judging me right now if I wasn’t me 😂😂 life really isn’t bad it’s just not what I want right now! I got some not awesome news about my health, one of my friends is stressed, I have acne again, I feel like I’m stressing my parents out, I cut my hours at my job which cut my income 🤷🏾♀️what was I thinking??? Because of my job change I can’t spend time doing something I really love with kiddos, my classes started and I haven’t even paid yet!!!!!! Im so behind on life and I really just want to take a nap! Which has nothing to do with my illness that’s just be a woman and having 5k diff things to get done. Oh and I have a family member that’s also going through stuff but I feel like they won’t say anything because of my crap! This crap illness that’s just spilling into my life😱😱😱😱Shana breathe and chill out 🤫🤫🤫🤫 Ok I’m back! Whew that was a close one.
So in taking a step back and breathing! I am analyzing the things that I can. I just did 10 min on the treadmill and it wasn’t much but it’s what I had in me today. I’m currently on the massage bed getting a massage and writing you guys! Funny thought I had today: my automatic answer when someone ask how are you? I say “I’m ok” or “I’m good” or the overall through the week response “I’m making it” well I realized that a lot of people who ask are reading my blog and know I’m lying Whoops! Y’all forgive me ahead of time but seriously tho no one has time to listen to “well girl my back is aching and I just want to shed my skin like a snake” hmmm🤪that would be pretty cool if I could🐍! Anywho you get what I’m saying. So forgive me for lying and let’s just keep it going.Let’s talk somepositive things: Update: So I started talking about positive things and headed home. I became very dizzy and my vision went blurry. I made it home but ended up falling and hitting my head. I ended up on the floor with my dog chewing faux locs. Luckily my neighbor is a nurse. I text her and my mom. My neighbor came over and checked my eyes to see if they were sluggish. The right eye was slow to respond or “extremely sluggish” which isn’t good but the left eye was fine. I stayed the night with my mom. This morning my vision is blurry, my face is numb, I’m nauseous and my head hurts very bad but I working! Lights hurt, my eyes are heavy and my body is just tired. Lol but while I’m sitting down let’s talk about some positives!!! I have a very amazing supportive system, I’m surrounded by people who are capable and willing to help. I have a doctor who listens to me. I have friends and family who are amazing! I enjoy what I do! I actually love what I do!!! I get to help people everyday and that keeps me going! It’s funny yesterday I was complaining about everything and today I wish I could go back to yesterday. It’s crazy how so much can change in a day. I am also thankful for predictive text and the ability to text without looking!! Last night that saved me 🤷🏾♀️Lord I am so grateful that last night wasn’t worse and I thank you God for sparing me! He gave me a song yesterday that said “Gods already moving on my behalf” I just have to believe it! Honestly I am a little scared on the inside but I can’t be scared and believe at the same time. I chose to believe He is going to restore my body and my mind back to the original state He created it to be and until then I will praise Him!