Strength in Weakness

Hey F4Tribe!!

Have you ever gone through something that leaves you at rock bottom, broken mentally, emotionally or financially? Then after a while you make it through and think “man that was rough”. You remember a feeling or how you got through it. You remember the struggle and the strength it took to make it through that situation. Or sometimes you don’t even realize you made it through. You just know it’s not happening anymore. That huge issue that seemingly knocked you down is now a memory. It’s something how at your weakest moment you realize how strong you truly are!

This situation has brought me to my knees mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I have spent sooo much time and money at doctors offices and in line waiting on medications. On meds then off then on then off. Emotional roller coasters have pretty much been my life for the past few months. I want to be happy and my outgoing self then sometimes I want to stay in bed all day; do nothing and see no one! I get irritated very easily and I cry about everything. My feelings are hurt at the “drop of a dime” and my mind is all over the place. I am tired! Actually I’m tyyd! But because I am already on my knees it helps spiritually!

Update:

My presentation was awesome!!!! My co-workers did really well too! I thought mine would be about 30 minutes because you guys know I finished it last minute and didn’t go over it that much. Luckily the parents asked for demonstrations and I love what I do so it wasn’t hard. The hardest part was walking in my new shoes….that I took off for the actual presentation🤷🏾‍♀️ I’m glad because I ended up in the floor. Below are pictures of my coworker and I demonstrating how to get a child who is having a tantrum out of the floor. The parents learned and no one went to sleep or stayed on their phones….#Winning

Ohhhh my gosh I love my job!!!! Then at work the past few days I’ve been getting “oh she is great” and “I wish we could have you” comments! That’s always nice. I truly have a passion for helping these kiddos!

Health….

Well ok so my health isn’t as great🤦🏾‍♀️ still in lots of pain in my back BUT my hands are much better!!!! Praise God!!!!! I have been trying to rest more; well my body has been making me rest more. I have had a lot of “push myself through” moments. I’ve been starting my days off with prayer, tears and gospel! Preparing my mind for my body. It has helped some. When I get to work I’m distracted so that’s good. But when I get back home or sit in the car it’s like the whole day comes down on me. I spoke with my dr and he said the pain trigger shots don’t always work with some people the first time. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Excuse my language but what the hell???? I feel like he should have shared that info before I got the dang shots! 6/8 of the shots again? Hell to the naw!!!!! That stuff hurt! I ain’t able!

Ok,now that I got that off my chest…reality is I not really have much to lose. Well that’s what a friend told me… I’m not convinced yet! Then the nurse was like let’s schedule you; I stopped her right in the middle of her sentence! No ma’am “I’m at work I’ll have to call back”. Not totally a lie because I was at work. I just don’t want to do even think about it. Although I do every time I do something involving moving my back, which is EVERYTHING! Especially laying down or sitting. Anyway, moving on!

In addition to severe back pain and tail bone pain my thigh feels like someone shot a whole through it! Geez Louise it hurts! My hair is coming out on one side but I have grease for that! Lol! I don’t think anyone can tell but I can. And my neck feels tired (I guess it’s finally tired of holding up this big head) and my mouth hurts to chew and talk. One of my teeth broke yesterday🤪I can’t make this craziness up! Today my the air hurt going through my nose breathing…. yep that was a break down moment but a funny one. Picture me driving and breathing and crying. At one point I was like “seriously I can’t even song? God you know I like to sing” you can’t sing and breathe out your mouth only🤦🏾‍♀️ One good part is maybe I can not eat as much and lose some weight💁🏾‍♀️ Oh and my face is clearing up!!! It may hurt but it smooth and soft!! silver lining people ….silver lining!

My doctor also said “I think I’m superwoman and I just keep going and going! That I’m one of those people who thinks they can just keep going and not rest”. My feelings are a tad bit hurt. And you know what maybe I do keep going and going but what am I suppose to do? Just sleep? I can’t! Ugh…. but I am going to make more effort to rest🤦🏾‍♀️Mentally I have had many break downs this week. Physically I know my body is tired and is on the verge of a break down. I don’t have time for that!!! I am behind in school and it feels like everything else. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to knock out my school work and that will take a huge weight off my shoulders and mind.

The Boys we are praying for:

Cole is responding to music therapy!! Moving his right side, giving a thumbs up and sitting up! God is so faithful!

Today has been one of those days where I could have easily given up and quit but I know next week I will say “hey you can make it through _____because you made it through _____”. I am so strong! I may have weak moments and that’s ok. Every fighter needs a break to rebuild! I can do this. I told a friend earlier “when ok is the only choice you have…..you are ok”! I could have not woken up today but I’m still here! I keep finding my strength in my weak moments!

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