730 Days

Today 2/10 makes 2 years since the initial pain. 2 years, 730 days of uncertain and unwarranted pain.

I remember talking to my nephew while standing in the self-checkout line at Walmart when my calf muscles started burning. I thought I needed new shoes. I remember taking my shoes off to try and ease the pain. It didn’t work. By the time we reached our destination the majority of my body had locked up leaving me unable to move. I remember being terrified because this was a pain I had never felt before.

Fast forward 730 days and I’m in bed with tears in my eyes from more pain I’ve not felt before. I’ve been up since 3am. I initially thought it was a crick in my neck from sleeping wrong. The right side of my neck/shoulder has been tight for a few days. At 2 am I felt myself trying to stretch between my shoulder blades and readjust. At 3am I woke up screaming from a pulling burning pain that felt like it was gripping my flesh and nerves and pulling them away from my bones. The pain is sitting in the middle of my shoulders and radiating up my neck to the back of my head. There’s so much pressure I can barely see. It’s also across both shoulders.

I am also nursing an injured knee. So my right knee hurts and my left leg and Achilles stays tight. Not to mention my rib cage, lower back and hips 🤷🏾‍♀️😂. I was using crutches but that made my underarms hurt and nope!!! I need something to feel ok lol. My walk is ugly and slow BUT I’m walking.

I cut Pandora on to help me get moving. I needed some praise music. I needed to be in His presence. I could feel the enemy starting to remind me of failures and negative thoughts “it’s been 2 years. He hasn’t healed you. You’re going to be in pain forever”. I quickly cut the music up. Y’all the playlist for the first few songs was:

    This is a move https://youtu.be/8I7nJSKCgo0
    Blessed https://youtu.be/5TSEW94w9kY

As I was crossing the bridge I could hear “just drive on off. It’s gotta be better than feeling like this”. I started screaming His name! I needed Him. “Keep me God” “Keep my mind, heal my body, Come see about me God”. I screamed all the way to the gas station. Then on the radio I heard:

    He’ll Take the Pain Away https://youtu.be/Ud5X7NzwV_c
  • I got to church and the sang:
  • 1. So Glad I Made it https://youtu.be/mEv6KdGmESY
  • This song says “if you see me crying, it’s just a sign that I’m still alive. In spite of the storm and rain, heartache and pain… He’s building my testimony”. Annnnnd cue the ugly cry, swollen lips and bloodshot eyes. The devil is a lie! I made it through. I will make it through. He will heal me and it WONT always be like this!
  • Today has been a hard day. I have been as war internally and physically all day. I’m battling with the enemy over my mind and my body. It’s frustrating because I want to be healed. I’ve fasted, prayed, sowed seeds, cried, believed and trusted, been prayed over and changed my life and I have NEW SYMPTOMS! Why? Why God! Why is my healing not here? Where are you? He is here. This is hard and sometimes it feels like it may take me out BUT it won’t! I almost threw in the towel BUT God was right there wiping my face with it. He was holding on to he steering wheel when I drove. He was my vision when I couldn’t see. He is holding me together when I’m falling apart and He’s pushing me when I can’t take another step.
  • Past symptoms:
    • Nausea
      Blurred/ no vision
      Pain in fingers, hands, toes, feet
      Burning pain under feet
      Burning skin
      Locked jaw
      Easily exhausted
      Heavy random sweat
      Skin changes
      Broken and weakened fingernails
      Fatigued muscles
      Achy cold bones
      Swelling
      IBS
      Back pain
      Facial pain
      Depression
      Weight gain
      Foggy brain
      All day stiffness
      Bursitis In hips and butt
      Nerve damage
  • Now add in the trigger points and I think that’s it. This disease has certainly covered more aspects of my life than I ever imagined it would.
  • Past treatments (because they worked or didn’t work for me doesn’t mean anything for anyone else)
    • Gabapentin: didn’t work
      Lyrica: didn’t work
      Tramadol: doesn’t work
      Cymbalta: didn’t work
      Tumeric: doesn’t work
      Celebrex: works but didn’t like side effects
      Omega Red 4- in- 1: maybe
      Vitamin D: undecided
      Magnesium: undecided

    I’m sure there are more but I can’t remember.

  • In 2 years I have been lower than I ever imagined. I’ve also learned more about me than I ever thought. I’ve learned to ask questions, don’t take “no” or “I don’t know” for an answer when it comes to my health. I’ve learned that it’s ok to not be ok. I’ve learned to lean on others. I have an absolutely amazing support system. They help hold me up. We depend on each other!! I’ve learned that my body depends on me to eat better and it DOES NOT like meds. I have learned to depend on God and to find a positive in EVERY SINGLE SITUATION.
  • “Despite calamity He still has a plan for me and it’s working for my good”

    Standard

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