Christians & Crystals and More

Hey F4Tribe!!!!

Have you all heard about the healing crystals? Well I recently learned about them and actually purchased a bracelet that said “brace, healed and had a small amethyst crystal in it”. I loved it!! I began doing research about it because I wanted to know how the crystals promoted healing. I contacted one of my spiritual mothers who said “she needed to know how they were being presented. Are they saying to believe in the powers that come from the crystal”? Hmmmm I didn’t know! She spoke of the prayer cloths. Now these I had heard of; but she didn’t believe in everyone’s prayer cloth. She mentioned that they should be a way to connect. That made since. The prayer cloth alone doesn’t have any power but it’s been prayed over and is given as a connector piece to a person to remind them God is doing whatever they need the cloth for. Now I could be completely wrong but these are my thoughts. So I looked at a few articles dealing with crystals and being a Christian. Some were saying no but I felt like it was a matter of opinion. I needed hard evidence. So being that I’m at the beach I found a store and bought a few crystals. Also at the store was a Buddha statue, voo doo dolls, and a book on how crystal healing and chakras worked. It was a little eerie because I’m new to all of this. I chose the following crystals: amethyst, tigers eye, and aquamarine. Below is a chart of the ones I purchased. I made my necklace and it was so cute! I loved it!!! So I started to think about selling these on my website. I wanted to do a little more research first though. At this point added healing couldn’t hurt right?

Nope! Wrong! So I found a few articles that broke down why and how the Bible talks about crystals and putting power in other Gods. Which I really don’t think I was doing. I know my healing will come from God. So what is the harm in wearing a crystal for healing right? Well then I read the following inserts:

The powers that heal that are not from God Stopped me dead in my tracks! Um no! I am not interested in believing in anything that’s not Him! I immediately grabbed my necklace and prayed over it and rebuked anything that is not of Him. I also asked for forgiveness. I will wear the necklace as a necklace but that is it! So I asked God to show me something I could have as a reminder. Something I could hold on to and share! I believed He showed me something in my sleep. I can’t wait to see it in the physical formπŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰!

For those of you who do not agree with what I have said above, it’s ok! It’s actually perfectly fine with me! We are all entitled to our own opinions and spiritual beliefs. This post reflects my view and thoughts as it pertains to my soul. I am in no way attempting to persuade or change your views.

In other news I am drinking 2 shakes a day and in my one meal I can have grilled chicken or turkey and veggies. My snack is usually Turkey jerky or a Premier protein shake. I am attempting to make all of the changes I can to help me feel better. Gluten and sugar have proven to make me feel yucky. It’s a process but I am trying! These are the foods I packed for my family trip.

I am eating to live not the other way around. I think I have gotten so use to thinking “well I will work that off” that I would just eat what I wanted in small increments. Well guess what? I don’t have that muscular system nor do I have that immune system anymore. Long story short I can’t afford to have cheat dayS! It’s just not worth it anymore. With that being said, I am going to have a piece of cake for my birthday (July 14th)!! I wanted to do 33 activities for my birthday and I still may but I will have to think of something.

Our beach trip is going well so far. My body is holding up well and for that I am so thankful!!! When we were here last year I couldn’t bare to get in the water because it was so cold. Today I have been in it all dayπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ. I am having a little pain due to rain and the water cooling off but it’s not horrible! I brought my crutches but I am determined to not need them!

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That’s What I Want

There is a song that says “will you be ready when Jesus comes”. I remember hearing the older people sing this ima flat key that’s drawn out for way to many beats and me just sitting there like “I’m young! I don’t have to worry about this”! Well last night would prove that I was wrong.

I hope I’m not offending anyone but if you are offended by this you’ve probably been offended for a while by my post because …… ain’t not a nan-notha God like mine πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ Anyway back to what I was saying.

We go to church on Sunday, we try and do the right things, live Christ-like, repent and other practices to ensure we are ready when the Messiah comes back. But have you ever thought about the what if today is your last day? What if you never told that person you loved them one last time or if you never let them know how proud of them you were, how thankful you are that God allowed their path to cross yours. What about the person that finds you, what about the people you leave behind, your funeral service, your possessions. What about your name….. what will they write on your tombstone? Do you even want one or do you want to be cremated? Where do you want your ashes spread? Then there’s the greatest of them all…..where will you spend eternity? Sooo much to think about πŸ’πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

Well last night 6/30/18 I was pretty sure would be my last night here. Obviously it wasn’t because I’m writing this…. I digress. The below is what happened. If you are not prepared for the realness then please stop reading here.

Crying uncontrollably and uttering out “no God I’m not ready!!!! I’m not ready”. Trying to convince myself that I’m ok. Saying “calm down it’s ok you’re ok!” “No I’m not! I’m not ok, I’m not going to be ok this time”! “God please, no”! Crying and screaming until I blacked out and woke up in urine. Thanking God that I was ok only to go through the same series of events again. I turned on my But God playlist. I thought I need to be in His presence. Crying and in pain for what seemed like hours I contemplated so many ways to find relief. Reaching for my phone to text people and tell them I love them and how proud I am of them and how thankful I am for them. Writing my parents a note telling them that I’m ok and although I’m scared I knew I was going to be ok. I was more worried about my loved ones than where I will spend my eternity. Telling them how I wanted my funeral and what I want done with my body. How I hope they would feel and praying they would be comforted in knowing how amazing they have been as parents to me. Then I started thinking about dying and having not repented for the sin I committed today (we sin daily) so I googled “what prayer do you say to repent for sins”? I thought about texting my pastors but I didn’t want to wake them. Although I know when they read this they will not like that because I’m sure I could have called. I thought “what if I’m not saved enough” “what if He turns me around at the gates”. Sooo many possible prayers came up. I didn’t see one that fit what I needed so I just prayed my own prayer to my God. They say some people pass peacefully. I don’t know how? It’s crazy the dark places the brain can go out of pure, unadulterated FEAR! I remembered hearing that the Bible says “no man knows his last day” so I thought ok so this isn’t it. I’ll be ok! But what if it is? What if you don’t know your last day but in the last moment you know you are leaving this body”? I got myself to my medicine and fell. Pills went everywhere. I took my meds and climbed on my couch thinking “maybe I will go in my sleep and I won’t know”. My dog climbed up beside me. He didn’t leave my side through all of this!!!! I remember reaching for my phone to call 9-1-1 then I woke up this morning.

{events took place that I do not wish to share at this time}

I am here, at home, in my bed! Very much still alive! Very grateful of life and each precious moment! Being around my family and not giving them overly dramatic loving today was hard. Fighting back tears was hard! Being ok enough to pass as ok was hard!! Being in pain mentally and physically is hard!! I have never felt more broken, blessed and yet angry at my body. But whatever the case….I am here to feel it and for that I praise Him!

Facing that last night I am left thinking ok what now? He saved me for a reason! I have to quit existing and being caught up in the “right-now” moments of life and missing the “big picture”. I have been putting “until He makes me whole I will praise Him with the pieces of me”. Last night I saw just how many pieces I’m in. I have to do better. In I have to seek Him, gain more knowledge, show more love, feel more love, let go of carried ill feelings and seek my purpose with more intensity!! If today is my last day I don’t want to leave here wondering what more I could have done. I think that is the peace the old folks talk about. That’s what I want ….PEACE not fear!

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One of those Days

Monday

Well today I feel everything from the weekend lol! I’m not shocked but geez Louise! I am having shooting pains in my neck and back. But on a positive note my lower back isn’t as bad and t pain in my butt cheeks is almost goneπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ.

I taught class tonight ….. I admit I shouldn’t have 😩 I drank a spark before class and felt like super woman. Then after class on the way home all of my powers left. I had a panic attack while driving and almost ran off the road but I was really close to my house so I just went on home. It started with shortness of breath and feeling extra hot. It wasn’t bad and didn’t last long. It did irritate my neck more but hey a little rest and I think I’ll be fine! Good night all

Tuesday

Well I’m not fine I was wrongπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ I went to work then came home and went back to bed. It’s @6:15pm and I’m moving around a bit. I’m wearing a neck brace around the house and to bed to try and let those muscles in my upper back and neck rest. My sister said this was her best birthday and that makes all of this worth it. I’m going back to bed to rest.

Wednesday

Today has been ok at times and others I have to fight to hold back the tears. I went to work and have been in bed since. I finally got up around 4:15 and went to the jacuzzi to let my body soak in warm water. It was broke πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ so I stretched in the pool. It was nice and my body needed to stretch. I made it home and gave Cade a bath because he stunk soooo bad. At this point my scalp started burning. I put my head under the cold water but that didn’t help. I felt like the water couldn’t get to me. I took out my faux locs and dunked my head again. Still not much relief but I was not missing church! I quickly showered and went to church. I made it the parking lot and couldn’t hardly breathe. I grabbed my emergency pills and took them to help with panic attack. The pain also hit under my ribs when I inhaled and all throughout my body when I exhaled. I fought tears and went back home.

“Sometimes I feel like giving up

Sometimes my best just ain’t good enough”

Today is on of those days when life’s got me down. I have so many things to be grateful for and it could be a lot worse. I know I should just be ok…. but today I’m not. Today I’m tired of being not well! I’m tired of everything hurting. I’m tired of gaining weight no matter how bard I work to lose it. I’m tired of my skin burning and I do not like this texture my hair is right now and ITS COMING OUT!!! Really??!? My curls have changed and my hair is shedding very bad all over and I have a bald spot. Today I feel like a cross between Eeyore and Mrs. Sophia “I was feeling bad, I was feeling mighty low. Then I seent you Mrs.Celie and I knowd it was a God”

You can laugh! It’s good for the soul. If it didn’t hurt I would. I have class tonight but I think I’m going to just go on to bed.

Prayer Request:

1- Cole- the college student who was hit by a car while standing on the side of the road on a college trip) is heading to a rehab place in Georgia!!!! He is getting better! Please pray for a smooth transition for him and his body and the family!

2- A family member of mine has been diagnosed with FMS. I am praying that her body will be restored quickly and all the symptoms will just disappear. I pray for her strength and peace of mind

3- My parents peace of mind

4- A dear friend of mine has been dealing with vomiting, diarrhea and bloody stool. After going for testing they think something may be going on with the colon.

5- All of you guys reading this. I pray restoration over your health, finances and spirit. The devil CAN NOT have you or anyone or thing associated with you. In Jesus Name! Amen

6- healing for me: mentally, physically and emotionally

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My Sissy Pooh Turns 30

I absolutely can not believe my baby is about to be 3-0!!!! It’s crazy growing up you get to know them and then when you’re grown you learn a whole new them!

These are the days leading up to today:

Friday

I have decided to throw her a 30th bday gathering. The theme is Game Night!! I am doing most of the decor and the food by myself; which makes me hate I waited this late. It’s 8pm Friday and I need to have most decor and homework done tonight. One of my besties is making her shirt so tomorrow I will go to Birmingham and pick it up. I am so tired and in pain (legs hurt, nose hurts to breathe, and rib cage/side) BUTTTT the show must go on! I will post a picture of the decor as I finish it!! She’s going to be so surprised!!!

It’s 9:15 and I’ve gotten everything but the cake and ground beef. My vision is very blurry so I am going to abort mission for the rest of the night and go to bed.

Saturday

Today has been a very busy day! Whewwww!!!

I got the frame done

In the middle of getting my nails done Whitney text me about doing her hairπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ. She has no idea how many things I have to get done and I can’t tell her because it’s for her. Soo of course I’m going to do it… it’s her birthday!!!! I finished half of her streamer background but ran out of streamers soooo I have to hold up on that.

It’s 12:15am and I’m finally in bed!! I finished her hair and re-did mine! My body is feeling pretty ok…. honestly I’m shocked!!! My sister brought her puppy and Cade’s cousin/brother πŸ˜‚. They had a very loud blast ALLLL over the house. This is them in time-out!This is them fighting in time-out! πŸΆπŸ˜‚πŸΆ

My sister resembles me with her hair done. We always hear that but I’ve never thought that. All in all today has been good day!! Oh and read the blog I Had to Share! I posted this yesterday 6/23. God gave me a song to hold on to that of course I had to share with you guys!!

Ooooo-weeeee another blessing!!

Sunday

Good morning 🌞 It’s Sunday and it’s my sisters birthday (insert screams of joy and excitement) I am running late but I am going to church! My body is quite sore this morning and my skin hurts in a lot of places but the show must go on!! I have a lot of things left to do today: cooking, setting up, moving furniture, cleaning the house, going to Birmingham to get Whitney’s shirt from one of my besties who does screen printing and going to Whitney’s dinner with our family @4! Wheeeew I’m tired just thinking about it BUT It’s going to be a fabulous day!!!!!!

She was so excited and surprised!!! Omg it made everything worth it!! J.A.T Just A Thought custom designs for her shirt “30 and Queenin!!!You can find them on Facebook!

It’s 1:08 am and I just climbed in my bed…. oh my goodness it feels good to relax!!!! I am exhausted but seeing a surprise on her face was so worth it!!!! After the family left we played a few games and had a few drinks. It was fun being able to “adult” and not have to worry about getting home safely. Earlier today my classmate reminded me we have a test due tonight 2am our time. So yes I just finished the test while less than sober πŸ˜‰ and get this; I made an 86!!!! I will take it! I’m actually feeling pretty proud of myself for today! Everyone enjoyed themselves especially my sissy Pooh! My baby is 30 😍😍😍

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I Had to Share

Times get hard. Everyone goes through something at some point. I look at my Facebook and there seems to be death all around us. Where it’s innocent people being gunned down or cancer claiming yet another life. I was complaining to myself about how I’ve felt the past few days and how my hands have ached lately and God gave me

Ooooooh weee, another blessing

That was it. So I sang that part and sang that part. Finally I was like ok let me YouTube the song so I can sing more of it. Y’all…….. the lyrics just made me sit in complete silence then praise HimπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ here they are:

I got my legs and I can walk

I got my tongue, and I can talk

Even the air that I receive,

I got my lungs and I can breathe.

When I look around, I can see

All the blessings He’s given me

Blessed my family and their doing fine

He gave me peace of mind

Ooooh wee! Another blessing!!!

Man πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎyes I have pains but I am here to feel them!!! Lord thank you for the blessings!!!!

Sometimes we get so caught up in what is happening to us or what we are doing that we forget what’s been given to us! And that is His Grace and many blessings!! I hope this helps put things in perspective for you guys as I did me.

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Strength in Weakness

Hey F4Tribe!!

Have you ever gone through something that leaves you at rock bottom, broken mentally, emotionally or financially? Then after a while you make it through and think “man that was rough”. You remember a feeling or how you got through it. You remember the struggle and the strength it took to make it through that situation. Or sometimes you don’t even realize you made it through. You just know it’s not happening anymore. That huge issue that seemingly knocked you down is now a memory. It’s something how at your weakest moment you realize how strong you truly are!

This situation has brought me to my knees mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I have spent sooo much time and money at doctors offices and in line waiting on medications. On meds then off then on then off. Emotional roller coasters have pretty much been my life for the past few months. I want to be happy and my outgoing self then sometimes I want to stay in bed all day; do nothing and see no one! I get irritated very easily and I cry about everything. My feelings are hurt at the “drop of a dime” and my mind is all over the place. I am tired! Actually I’m tyyd! But because I am already on my knees it helps spiritually!

Update:

My presentation was awesome!!!! My co-workers did really well too! I thought mine would be about 30 minutes because you guys know I finished it last minute and didn’t go over it that much. Luckily the parents asked for demonstrations and I love what I do so it wasn’t hard. The hardest part was walking in my new shoes….that I took off for the actual presentationπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ I’m glad because I ended up in the floor. Below are pictures of my coworker and I demonstrating how to get a child who is having a tantrum out of the floor. The parents learned and no one went to sleep or stayed on their phones….#Winning

Ohhhh my gosh I love my job!!!! Then at work the past few days I’ve been getting “oh she is great” and “I wish we could have you” comments! That’s always nice. I truly have a passion for helping these kiddos!

Health….

Well ok so my health isn’t as greatπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ still in lots of pain in my back BUT my hands are much better!!!! Praise God!!!!! I have been trying to rest more; well my body has been making me rest more. I have had a lot of “push myself through” moments. I’ve been starting my days off with prayer, tears and gospel! Preparing my mind for my body. It has helped some. When I get to work I’m distracted so that’s good. But when I get back home or sit in the car it’s like the whole day comes down on me. I spoke with my dr and he said the pain trigger shots don’t always work with some people the first time. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ Excuse my language but what the hell???? I feel like he should have shared that info before I got the dang shots! 6/8 of the shots again? Hell to the naw!!!!! That stuff hurt! I ain’t able!

Ok,now that I got that off my chest…reality is I not really have much to lose. Well that’s what a friend told me… I’m not convinced yet! Then the nurse was like let’s schedule you; I stopped her right in the middle of her sentence! No ma’am “I’m at work I’ll have to call back”. Not totally a lie because I was at work. I just don’t want to do even think about it. Although I do every time I do something involving moving my back, which is EVERYTHING! Especially laying down or sitting. Anyway, moving on!

In addition to severe back pain and tail bone pain my thigh feels like someone shot a whole through it! Geez Louise it hurts! My hair is coming out on one side but I have grease for that! Lol! I don’t think anyone can tell but I can. And my neck feels tired (I guess it’s finally tired of holding up this big head) and my mouth hurts to chew and talk. One of my teeth broke yesterdayπŸ€ͺI can’t make this craziness up! Today my the air hurt going through my nose breathing…. yep that was a break down moment but a funny one. Picture me driving and breathing and crying. At one point I was like “seriously I can’t even song? God you know I like to sing” you can’t sing and breathe out your mouth onlyπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ One good part is maybe I can not eat as much and lose some weightπŸ’πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ Oh and my face is clearing up!!! It may hurt but it smooth and soft!! silver lining people ….silver lining!

My doctor also said “I think I’m superwoman and I just keep going and going! That I’m one of those people who thinks they can just keep going and not rest”. My feelings are a tad bit hurt. And you know what maybe I do keep going and going but what am I suppose to do? Just sleep? I can’t! Ugh…. but I am going to make more effort to restπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈMentally I have had many break downs this week. Physically I know my body is tired and is on the verge of a break down. I don’t have time for that!!! I am behind in school and it feels like everything else. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to knock out my school work and that will take a huge weight off my shoulders and mind.

The Boys we are praying for:

Cole is responding to music therapy!! Moving his right side, giving a thumbs up and sitting up! God is so faithful!

Today has been one of those days where I could have easily given up and quit but I know next week I will say “hey you can make it through _____because you made it through _____”. I am so strong! I may have weak moments and that’s ok. Every fighter needs a break to rebuild! I can do this. I told a friend earlier “when ok is the only choice you have…..you are ok”! I could have not woken up today but I’m still here! I keep finding my strength in my weak moments!

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Weekend Vibes

Hey F4 Tribe!! This has been an amazing weekend! My bestie came down this weekend and it was so needed!! We enjoyed doing a lot of shopping and spending time with each other! It’s something about being with your bestie that just makes life a little better!! My body held up surprisingly well!! Especially since I haven’t seen improvement from the shots yetπŸ’πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ One of my really good friends mom gets them and they help her tremendously! She says I needed to rest after πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ I am trying to listen more to my body but obviously I have work to do. Oh and I had a surprise from a friend that truly touched my heart 😍!

Happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers reading this! I hope you guys have had an amazing day!! Here’s my father and me! With today being Father’s Day I spent the day with and around my dad/parents. We started out at church!! I always enjoy going with my parents but today there was a guest pastor. Now honestly I was just not thrilled. I wanted to hear a word from the pastor of the church. πŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ so as he got up to speak I began tuning him out. Well……..when I tell you God just busted me all up in the middle of my pettiness! The pastor opened up his sermon by singing 2 of my favorite songs!! The first one was “My hallelujah belongs to you” as to say “hey Get your focus right!!! It doesn’t matter who I send to talk to you! All that matters is what I have to say”. I was like πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ you’re right God!! My bad! My face was full of tears and an open heart. Thennnn he sang “You move mountains, you cause walls to fall” πŸ‘‰πŸΎπŸ‘‰πŸΎcue ugly cry! Yep, I got a whipping by God! So then he preached. And you guessed it…. it was something I needed! The title of the sermon was Blessed but Broken. For time and my fingers sake I will talk about the sermon later this week. I was able to stay in church today longer than last time!!! Woop woop!

After church we took my dad to eat and open gifts! Another huge shocker was that my dad actually liked all of his gifts!!! This never happens…. like never!!! I’m am keeping all receipts just Incase lol! I redid my hair and went to visit my grandma. Today has been a really good day!

I am so in love with her smile 😍

I am now relaxing in a hot bath filled with: muscle+pain relief oil, coconut oil and a soothing oatmeal soaking salt. You guessed it….. my body is tired and aching. I have a presentation to do tomorrow for work/school supervision and I pray that my body will just allow me to look over it tonight, rehearse my talking points and do great tomorrow! I feel nauseous, hot and exhausted which usually happens before a panic attic. I can feel my body declining and I honestly just want to cry. But there is no time for tears!! I took my emergency meds and I text 2 if my coworkers and ask them to look over my slides for me just Incase I need help tomorrow. I am so uncomfortable asking people for help but tomorrow needs to go as smooth as possible so these parents can get as much info as possible.

How was your Father’s Day? Post a picture of you and your dad or just your dad!! Let me see!!!

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