I Had to Share

Times get hard. Everyone goes through something at some point. I look at my Facebook and there seems to be death all around us. Where it’s innocent people being gunned down or cancer claiming yet another life. I was complaining to myself about how I’ve felt the past few days and how my hands have ached lately and God gave me

Ooooooh weee, another blessing

That was it. So I sang that part and sang that part. Finally I was like ok let me YouTube the song so I can sing more of it. Y’all…….. the lyrics just made me sit in complete silence then praise Him๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ here they are:

I got my legs and I can walk

I got my tongue, and I can talk

Even the air that I receive,

I got my lungs and I can breathe.

When I look around, I can see

All the blessings He’s given me

Blessed my family and their doing fine

He gave me peace of mind

Ooooh wee! Another blessing!!!

Man ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพyes I have pains but I am here to feel them!!! Lord thank you for the blessings!!!!

Sometimes we get so caught up in what is happening to us or what we are doing that we forget what’s been given to us! And that is His Grace and many blessings!! I hope this helps put things in perspective for you guys as I did me.

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Strength in Weakness

Hey F4Tribe!!

Have you ever gone through something that leaves you at rock bottom, broken mentally, emotionally or financially? Then after a while you make it through and think “man that was rough”. You remember a feeling or how you got through it. You remember the struggle and the strength it took to make it through that situation. Or sometimes you don’t even realize you made it through. You just know it’s not happening anymore. That huge issue that seemingly knocked you down is now a memory. It’s something how at your weakest moment you realize how strong you truly are!

This situation has brought me to my knees mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I have spent sooo much time and money at doctors offices and in line waiting on medications. On meds then off then on then off. Emotional roller coasters have pretty much been my life for the past few months. I want to be happy and my outgoing self then sometimes I want to stay in bed all day; do nothing and see no one! I get irritated very easily and I cry about everything. My feelings are hurt at the “drop of a dime” and my mind is all over the place. I am tired! Actually I’m tyyd! But because I am already on my knees it helps spiritually!

Update:

My presentation was awesome!!!! My co-workers did really well too! I thought mine would be about 30 minutes because you guys know I finished it last minute and didn’t go over it that much. Luckily the parents asked for demonstrations and I love what I do so it wasn’t hard. The hardest part was walking in my new shoes….that I took off for the actual presentation๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ I’m glad because I ended up in the floor. Below are pictures of my coworker and I demonstrating how to get a child who is having a tantrum out of the floor. The parents learned and no one went to sleep or stayed on their phones….#Winning

Ohhhh my gosh I love my job!!!! Then at work the past few days I’ve been getting “oh she is great” and “I wish we could have you” comments! That’s always nice. I truly have a passion for helping these kiddos!

Health….

Well ok so my health isn’t as great๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ still in lots of pain in my back BUT my hands are much better!!!! Praise God!!!!! I have been trying to rest more; well my body has been making me rest more. I have had a lot of “push myself through” moments. I’ve been starting my days off with prayer, tears and gospel! Preparing my mind for my body. It has helped some. When I get to work I’m distracted so that’s good. But when I get back home or sit in the car it’s like the whole day comes down on me. I spoke with my dr and he said the pain trigger shots don’t always work with some people the first time. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ Excuse my language but what the hell???? I feel like he should have shared that info before I got the dang shots! 6/8 of the shots again? Hell to the naw!!!!! That stuff hurt! I ain’t able!

Ok,now that I got that off my chest…reality is I not really have much to lose. Well that’s what a friend told me… I’m not convinced yet! Then the nurse was like let’s schedule you; I stopped her right in the middle of her sentence! No ma’am “I’m at work I’ll have to call back”. Not totally a lie because I was at work. I just don’t want to do even think about it. Although I do every time I do something involving moving my back, which is EVERYTHING! Especially laying down or sitting. Anyway, moving on!

In addition to severe back pain and tail bone pain my thigh feels like someone shot a whole through it! Geez Louise it hurts! My hair is coming out on one side but I have grease for that! Lol! I don’t think anyone can tell but I can. And my neck feels tired (I guess it’s finally tired of holding up this big head) and my mouth hurts to chew and talk. One of my teeth broke yesterday๐ŸคชI can’t make this craziness up! Today my the air hurt going through my nose breathing…. yep that was a break down moment but a funny one. Picture me driving and breathing and crying. At one point I was like “seriously I can’t even song? God you know I like to sing” you can’t sing and breathe out your mouth only๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ One good part is maybe I can not eat as much and lose some weight๐Ÿ’๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ Oh and my face is clearing up!!! It may hurt but it smooth and soft!! silver lining people ….silver lining!

My doctor also said “I think I’m superwoman and I just keep going and going! That I’m one of those people who thinks they can just keep going and not rest”. My feelings are a tad bit hurt. And you know what maybe I do keep going and going but what am I suppose to do? Just sleep? I can’t! Ugh…. but I am going to make more effort to rest๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธMentally I have had many break downs this week. Physically I know my body is tired and is on the verge of a break down. I don’t have time for that!!! I am behind in school and it feels like everything else. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to knock out my school work and that will take a huge weight off my shoulders and mind.

The Boys we are praying for:

Cole is responding to music therapy!! Moving his right side, giving a thumbs up and sitting up! God is so faithful!

Today has been one of those days where I could have easily given up and quit but I know next week I will say “hey you can make it through _____because you made it through _____”. I am so strong! I may have weak moments and that’s ok. Every fighter needs a break to rebuild! I can do this. I told a friend earlier “when ok is the only choice you have…..you are ok”! I could have not woken up today but I’m still here! I keep finding my strength in my weak moments!

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Weekend Vibes

Hey F4 Tribe!! This has been an amazing weekend! My bestie came down this weekend and it was so needed!! We enjoyed doing a lot of shopping and spending time with each other! It’s something about being with your bestie that just makes life a little better!! My body held up surprisingly well!! Especially since I haven’t seen improvement from the shots yet๐Ÿ’๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ One of my really good friends mom gets them and they help her tremendously! She says I needed to rest after ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ I am trying to listen more to my body but obviously I have work to do. Oh and I had a surprise from a friend that truly touched my heart ๐Ÿ˜!

Happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers reading this! I hope you guys have had an amazing day!! Here’s my father and me! With today being Father’s Day I spent the day with and around my dad/parents. We started out at church!! I always enjoy going with my parents but today there was a guest pastor. Now honestly I was just not thrilled. I wanted to hear a word from the pastor of the church. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ so as he got up to speak I began tuning him out. Well……..when I tell you God just busted me all up in the middle of my pettiness! The pastor opened up his sermon by singing 2 of my favorite songs!! The first one was “My hallelujah belongs to you” as to say “hey Get your focus right!!! It doesn’t matter who I send to talk to you! All that matters is what I have to say”. I was like ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ you’re right God!! My bad! My face was full of tears and an open heart. Thennnn he sang “You move mountains, you cause walls to fall” ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿพcue ugly cry! Yep, I got a whipping by God! So then he preached. And you guessed it…. it was something I needed! The title of the sermon was Blessed but Broken. For time and my fingers sake I will talk about the sermon later this week. I was able to stay in church today longer than last time!!! Woop woop!

After church we took my dad to eat and open gifts! Another huge shocker was that my dad actually liked all of his gifts!!! This never happens…. like never!!! I’m am keeping all receipts just Incase lol! I redid my hair and went to visit my grandma. Today has been a really good day!

I am so in love with her smile ๐Ÿ˜

I am now relaxing in a hot bath filled with: muscle+pain relief oil, coconut oil and a soothing oatmeal soaking salt. You guessed it….. my body is tired and aching. I have a presentation to do tomorrow for work/school supervision and I pray that my body will just allow me to look over it tonight, rehearse my talking points and do great tomorrow! I feel nauseous, hot and exhausted which usually happens before a panic attic. I can feel my body declining and I honestly just want to cry. But there is no time for tears!! I took my emergency meds and I text 2 if my coworkers and ask them to look over my slides for me just Incase I need help tomorrow. I am so uncomfortable asking people for help but tomorrow needs to go as smooth as possible so these parents can get as much info as possible.

How was your Father’s Day? Post a picture of you and your dad or just your dad!! Let me see!!!

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Uhhh What? NO Thanks!!

Hey all my F4 Tribe!! F4 tribe… I kind of like that (Fit For Fighting Fibro Tribe)

Sooo I wanted to update you guys on what’s going on.

First, I am feeling sooo much better pain wise. Thank you all for praying for me!! Today has been a fairly good day!! I am still having some issues with my fingers and hands so this will be a “to the point blog”.

Today I went the see my rheumatologist/pain doctor for my check-up. It was an ok visit๐Ÿ’๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ. We have taken me off of quite a few meds! So you know I am thrilled!!!! He is trying out a new sleep med because I am not sleeping and he feels the other one is what is making me have those dizzy/fall out moments. So now to the unfunny fun part….. cue eventful scary music… dun dun duuuuunnnnn!!!

I got injections today! 8 of them! EIGHT FREAKING SHOTS! Y’all it was awful!!! Ny doctor gave me the choice of getting them in my knees or my back and butt. Of course I chose the latter because that’s where my pain has been lately. He gave me the facts of being pain free by the weekend and lasting up to 2 months! UHHH WHAT?!? Pain free for two whole months? Yeahhh buddy sign me up! Now what I didn’t know is how painful they would be. Like I thought I have bursitis on 2 bones under my butt ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ. So I got shots in BOTH areas. Yes that’s through the skin on my cheek to my bone… TWICE! These will start to work in 3 days! Pain free by the weekend! That is what I kept saying to get through the shots.

Next problem area! This one hasn’t changed since last time. That’s the pulled muscles/tendons in my lower back. Ok so he finished the two awful shots IN MY ASS (sorry Moma) then says ok turn over on your stomach. Me: umm what? Why? It’s not over? No thanks?” Yes I acted up a tad. Long story short, I got 6 more shots in my lower back. I ripped a hole in the paper they line the beds with by squeezing it so tight. Sooo not ok! I didn’t scream out though like I did with the first two but I did think “why is he still going”. It was awful!!! I cried when I got to to the car lol. So after being given the shots the back of my head started hurting and I became a little too “relaxed” but in a bad way. So I asked him was that normal? He said people feel that way during 2 situations: 1- when scared and 2- when in extreme pain. Well ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ 2/2! I was scared and it was painful!!

Ok!!! I am home in bed while listening to my professor talk. I may be sleepy but I will be educated ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. My body and mind are both tired! So I am going to try and sleep.

GN my F4Tribe

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Prayer Warriors…. Mount Up

Hmmm… can you mix Dr.Dre and God๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Good morning warriors I am in need of a prayer. First let me say I am feeling so much better!! I woke up this morning and I was NOT dizzy! Praise God๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ

I am asking prayer for my hands and arms. My fingers are locking up. I am typing this with my pinky ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. The fingers that are working are painful and then some of them are not working at all. I need my hands to work!!! I have a lot of typing to do today!

Thank youall in advance

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Trying Out Something New

Today has been an interesting day. I got up and went to church! It was Women’s Day and the theme was “Shades of Purple”. Purple is the color of royalty!! Don’t I just look royal on my new dress from Bella Grace Boutique with my lovely friend Lydia!!! I ordered the dress last Sunday and picked it up Friday! Talking about easy shopping!!!After Church I rested. I only got about an hour of sleep last night so my body was in need. I got up and cleaned up. My friend was supposed to come over. My old guy friend. We are working on our friendship because romance aside I miss my friend. He has a beautiful soul and our convos are good for the mind. We are ok until he says something or does something I don’t like and I want to karate chop him in the teeth๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚! But hey we are working on that and my hip won’t allow me to kick that high so his smile is safe for now๐Ÿ’๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ

While cleaning up I noticed I was getting very hot! Sweat started dripping off my head. I wasn’t really doing a lot but I’m learning to listen to my body. I cut on the fan, turned the AC up and sat down. It didn’t help!! Then all of a sudden I couldn’t feel my legs, my arms were going numb and so was my face. I called my parents to let them know and to let them know I’m ok! I text my friend and canceled plans. Then got a text from him cancelling too so that was good. I didn’t know at that point it would b hours before my leg function would return. Below is a video of me sliding my way to the bathroom.

I made it!! So my mom came over and got me food and gas for the week!! Thank God for my parents!!! I am so incredibly blessed!

Good morning. It’s 6 am and I feel awful! I just found out I’m off today so back to bed I go. I am still on the couch for ease of any assistance I may need.

Ok it’s 2:45pm and I am trying to get moving. My leg movement is better but very painful!! However, I have class tonight so I need to try and move around to see if I can do it or if I need to cancel. You guys know how I feel about canceling it!! Today’s motto is “one step at a time”!

It is 5:30. I stayed gone too long to rest before class so I am on a prayer and a spark! I love Spark. I feel like it gives me super powers. My legs are …attached lol! The pain reminds me of the blessing that I CAN feel them. #SilverLinings I need to see my class faces! They help me more than they will ever know. We lean on each other!

I am in the bed!! My body is tired but thankfully it’s better than it was ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ One of the ongoing issues as of lately is the tendinitis on my lower back and the bursitis on my tail bone and hips. They make sitting or laying hard! I drank a rehydrate by Advocare. These are the same people that make the Spark that I mentioned before class. Rehydrate is so gross! It may be me though. I think all things with electrolytes in it are gross and salty. This is no diff but I chugged it. I’m praying that if I rest and replenish my body I will be ok tomorrow for work and another class…. or walking ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ. Those little big things!!

I am also working on creating a routine for my mornings and nights. I want to stop checking my social media first and last! It’s taking up too much mental space!! The goal is to start and end everyday in peace!! For me this includes: praying my prayer list, checking my planner, texting someone and letting them know I appreciate them, declaring over my life, read a scripture and stretching. And I get to write with my pen RBT was gifted to me by on of my amazing, hard working, God fearing and prayer saying Zumba friends!This pen reminds me of the battle of cancer I already fought and won! But it also reminds me of the strength I have inside of me to fight this current battle. I can do this!!!! Tomorrow is Terrific Tuesday! I am expecting something amazing to happen! It can be in my life or in someone who is connected to my life! I get excited when God does whatever for whoever! Anyway …..I’ll let you guys know what it is when it happens! Good night!

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Itโ€™s Morning

Hey guys!!! I wanted to update you all and share something with you.

First, thank you for your prayers!!! I am so beyond grateful….. I seriously can’t express it! You all gave me strength when I needed it the most! I am feeling much better than the other day! My head is bruised but attached lol! And NO headache!!

The last few days have been trying to say the least BUT God!! It’s a scary heart-wrenching feeling to see the look in your parents face when they see you aren’t ok and it’s even worse when you can’t fake it! You guys know how I am by now. I fake it until I just can’t. The last few days have been those “can’t fake it” days. Somehow, I managed to still work, baby sit and teach my fitness classes. Oh and I cut my hair off yesterday….gone!!! In less that 15 min I went from a head full to this I love it!!!!

I can definitely tell that this illness or meds have changed my hair texture. It’s crazy because chemo didn’t ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ. But I am what I am. I’m learning to live with it and to grow with this illness. It is a part of me BUT by no means does it define me!!

It’s currently 11:20pm and I have been in bed since I got home around 6. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m so tired! I wish Cade (my puppy) could since when I am tired. He is clearly NOT!!! He’s playing with his ball that has a bell in it like it’s 11am! He’s woken me up like 3 times but I guess that’s a good thing because I am up for God and my friends to reach me!! God has already given me a song! I pray that it’s just a reminder and not a cling to song! He’s Able by Dietrich Haddon. The part He gave me says:

“God is able to do just what He said He will do. He’s going to fulfill every promise to you”

As I’m writing this another part came to me

“don’t give up on God because He won’t give up on you”

I’ve been praying that God will restore my body back to its original state of how He created it to be. So the song is so fitting at this time in my life. He will fulfill His promise of healing and restoration. I will not lack or be missing anything and as a matter of fact I will be better than I was before. He is able to do exactly what He said He Will do and I believe that!! It’s hard but I absolutely can’t give up now!

I was looking down my time line on Facebook and I see how many people who are in need of healing or some type of relief! And I see and feel God everyday making something out of nothing! EVVVERY-DAY for me and I know that a healing is coming for me and for them!!! I am in awe of the God I serve. What a mighty mighty God! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ Yes it gets hard sometimes and I’m not saying everyday is easy to find the good BUT if you look hard enough for anything you will find it! Example: me feet hurt right now! They feel like the skin on the bottom is blistered and my left leg bone aches deep inside. BUT you know what? I have 2 feet attached to my body! I have feeling in my feet. I can move them any direction I choose. I have legs still attached to my body! I have full function of those too. My brain can actively send a signal and tell my leg to wiggle. As I lay here in my bed, in my house, with my bills paid, tired from my job!!! There are so many blessings in the few sentences I just wrote! Lord I thank you!

I pray that you guys are healthy and strong both mentally and physically! That any wealth (not always monetary), goodness and favor that comes my way will also come to you because you have connected yourself to me. I pray God finds favor on you and those you come in contact with! That every battle you face will be minimized and every praise you utter will be magnified!!

Before I log off there is a song that says “joy comes in the morning. Morning doesn’t necessarily mean in the a.m. Morning is when you’ve been sleeping and you wake up. It’s time for some morning for all of us!! Wake-up….it’s morning!!!

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