730 Days

Today 2/10 makes 2 years since the initial pain. 2 years, 730 days of uncertain and unwarranted pain.

I remember talking to my nephew while standing in the self-checkout line at Walmart when my calf muscles started burning. I thought I needed new shoes. I remember taking my shoes off to try and ease the pain. It didn’t work. By the time we reached our destination the majority of my body had locked up leaving me unable to move. I remember being terrified because this was a pain I had never felt before.

Fast forward 730 days and I’m in bed with tears in my eyes from more pain I’ve not felt before. I’ve been up since 3am. I initially thought it was a crick in my neck from sleeping wrong. The right side of my neck/shoulder has been tight for a few days. At 2 am I felt myself trying to stretch between my shoulder blades and readjust. At 3am I woke up screaming from a pulling burning pain that felt like it was gripping my flesh and nerves and pulling them away from my bones. The pain is sitting in the middle of my shoulders and radiating up my neck to the back of my head. There’s so much pressure I can barely see. It’s also across both shoulders.

I am also nursing an injured knee. So my right knee hurts and my left leg and Achilles stays tight. Not to mention my rib cage, lower back and hips 🤷🏾‍♀️😂. I was using crutches but that made my underarms hurt and nope!!! I need something to feel ok lol. My walk is ugly and slow BUT I’m walking.

I cut Pandora on to help me get moving. I needed some praise music. I needed to be in His presence. I could feel the enemy starting to remind me of failures and negative thoughts “it’s been 2 years. He hasn’t healed you. You’re going to be in pain forever”. I quickly cut the music up. Y’all the playlist for the first few songs was:

    This is a move https://youtu.be/8I7nJSKCgo0
    Blessed https://youtu.be/5TSEW94w9kY

As I was crossing the bridge I could hear “just drive on off. It’s gotta be better than feeling like this”. I started screaming His name! I needed Him. “Keep me God” “Keep my mind, heal my body, Come see about me God”. I screamed all the way to the gas station. Then on the radio I heard:

    He’ll Take the Pain Away https://youtu.be/Ud5X7NzwV_c
  • I got to church and the sang:
  • 1. So Glad I Made it https://youtu.be/mEv6KdGmESY
  • This song says “if you see me crying, it’s just a sign that I’m still alive. In spite of the storm and rain, heartache and pain… He’s building my testimony”. Annnnnd cue the ugly cry, swollen lips and bloodshot eyes. The devil is a lie! I made it through. I will make it through. He will heal me and it WONT always be like this!
  • Today has been a hard day. I have been as war internally and physically all day. I’m battling with the enemy over my mind and my body. It’s frustrating because I want to be healed. I’ve fasted, prayed, sowed seeds, cried, believed and trusted, been prayed over and changed my life and I have NEW SYMPTOMS! Why? Why God! Why is my healing not here? Where are you? He is here. This is hard and sometimes it feels like it may take me out BUT it won’t! I almost threw in the towel BUT God was right there wiping my face with it. He was holding on to he steering wheel when I drove. He was my vision when I couldn’t see. He is holding me together when I’m falling apart and He’s pushing me when I can’t take another step.
  • Past symptoms:
    • Nausea
      Blurred/ no vision
      Pain in fingers, hands, toes, feet
      Burning pain under feet
      Burning skin
      Locked jaw
      Easily exhausted
      Heavy random sweat
      Skin changes
      Broken and weakened fingernails
      Fatigued muscles
      Achy cold bones
      Swelling
      IBS
      Back pain
      Facial pain
      Depression
      Weight gain
      Foggy brain
      All day stiffness
      Bursitis In hips and butt
      Nerve damage
  • Now add in the trigger points and I think that’s it. This disease has certainly covered more aspects of my life than I ever imagined it would.
  • Past treatments (because they worked or didn’t work for me doesn’t mean anything for anyone else)
    • Gabapentin: didn’t work
      Lyrica: didn’t work
      Tramadol: doesn’t work
      Cymbalta: didn’t work
      Tumeric: doesn’t work
      Celebrex: works but didn’t like side effects
      Omega Red 4- in- 1: maybe
      Vitamin D: undecided
      Magnesium: undecided

    I’m sure there are more but I can’t remember.

  • In 2 years I have been lower than I ever imagined. I’ve also learned more about me than I ever thought. I’ve learned to ask questions, don’t take “no” or “I don’t know” for an answer when it comes to my health. I’ve learned that it’s ok to not be ok. I’ve learned to lean on others. I have an absolutely amazing support system. They help hold me up. We depend on each other!! I’ve learned that my body depends on me to eat better and it DOES NOT like meds. I have learned to depend on God and to find a positive in EVERY SINGLE SITUATION.
  • “Despite calamity He still has a plan for me and it’s working for my good”

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    Shoot Me Up!

    Hello F4 Tribe!!!

    How are you all? I feel like you should updated on your lives too.

    Let’s just dive right in!

    In the last post I was having sever nausea, my gums ached and my teeth felt like they were coming out. Well all of these problems are still here 🤷🏾‍♀️ but I did go to the doctor!

    Monday:

    Even though I was not feeling my best I taught my fitness class tonight….bad idea. I was ok, well I was making it, until the next to the last song. I hit a squat and I felt a rip that seemed to go across my bum. Jesus!!! I pushed through class and made it home. While in bed, not sleeping, I realized my butt has not hurt me since the last shot. At that moment I knew I was getting another injection! My thoughts were

    I have no time to be down. I already can’t eat. My body keeps having random shake downs where I feel like it’s trying to shut down. AND one of my besties is getting engaged Wednesday in Birmingham….. I have to be there. And I mean just really I want some popcorn with cheese or some chicken or anything!!! Yep I’m calling the doctor

    Tuesday:

    I limped into work and made the call. Surprisingly they had an opening @2:20 that afternoon! Now do you remember me talking about how incredibly long it takes at this dr???? Hours on top of hours!!! So instead of me taking off I just went when I got off @3:40. I still waited til 6 to be seen. Yes that’s 4hrs from my appt time!

    Let’s get down to the nitty gritty!

    I told the dr what my symptoms were…again. Why do we have to tell the person that makes the appointments, the vitals nurse, the nurse that comes in to say “he’ll be right with you” and THEN the doctor! Geez! Seems like there should be a better system or at least sticky notes!!! Anyway I digress…

    1. Face feels like it’s caving in at random times. Both sides. Above and below eyes.

    2. All of my teeth feel like they may come out. Jaw is locking up.

    3. Severe burning/ripping pain across my butt.

    4. Bursas on hips are back

    5. Cyst on wrist that’s keeping me from making a fist

    6. Stomach issues. Feeling full/ bloated all the time. Very gassy. Not being able to eat or drink a full protein shake.

    7. Tramadol has become aversive. It last way longer than 8hours although the pain comes back around hour 3. Then I’m left feeling yuck until it wears off.

    8. I’ve slept 3 hours and 46 minutes in 3 days

    So after discussing each in depth here is what we decided:

    1. He had me take a deep breath in through my nose. It sounded clear to me. He said it’s allergies 🤷🏾‍♀️ I don’t agree!

    2. I can do an all liquid diet for 10 days or get cortisone injections….. IN MY FACE!!

    3/4. Bursitis is back. Cortisone shots or rest for 2 weeks

    5. Wear a brace… No! I’m not doing that

    6. He thinks it’s Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And I have irritated my upper intestines but I feel like it irritated me! Take stool softener and it should go away….. we shall see

    7. He prescribed what’s about the only drug left without me being admitted to the hospital… Percocet. I’m not taking that!!

    8. He prescribed another sleep med… probably not taking that either!

    I did remind him that I have come off of everything except naproxen when the pain is unbearable. It’s not working but hey whatever! Stay focused!! I also let him know I would take the prescriptions but was 80% sure I would not be taking them. I don’t want that crap in my body! He said he understood and gave me the scripts. Who cares about killing trees 🌲?

    Here’s the educational slash gross part. If you are squeamish this is where you stop reading!!! 🛑 🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑

    So I received 4 cortisone shots varying in dosage and needle size. Two in my TMJ and two in the bursas close to my sciatic nerve.

    What is Cortisone:

    A type of medication that treats a wide variety of conditions, mainly by suppressing inflammation. Shots of cortisone are used to treat a range of conditions, including bursitis, gout, acne cysts and nodules, tendonitis, and different types of arthritis.

    What is TMJ:

    Temporomandibular joint (TMJ) syndrome is a disorder of the jaw muscles and nerves caused by injury or inflammation to the temporomandibular joint. The temporomandibular joint is the connection between the jawbone and the skull. The injured or inflamed temporomandibular joint leads to pain with chewing, clicking, crackling, and popping of the jaw; swelling on the sides of the face; nerve inflammation; headaches, including migraines; tooth grinding (bruxism); Eustachian tube dysfunction; and sometimes dislocation of the temporomandibular joint. Temporomandibular joint syndrome is also known as temporomandibular joint disorder.

    https://youtu.be/cBwGjV0gECE

    The sciatic nerve is the longest nerve in your body. … The most distinctive sign of sciatica is pain that radiates from your lower back into the back or side or your legs. It can range from a mild ache to sharp, severe pain. You can also get numbness, tingling, and weakness in your leg or foot.

    https://youtu.be/biSCYrFXqxk

    Recovery:

    Jaw: liquid diet for 10 days or soft food

    Butt: relax for 4-5 days

    Both will be sore and still hurt until possibly the weekend.

    Wednesday:

    I took off of work today so I can relax. I’ve been in bed all day. Tonight I am going to Birmingham for a close friends surprise engagement. I’m a little nervous about the drive because I’m not feeling well.

    The engagement was amazing! Seeing her face was priceless and so worth the drive. I’m at home in the bed. I have to return to work tomorrow.

    Thursday:

    Today has been the longest roughest day I have had. I am tired and my body is too. I was supposed to take pictures for a flyer but it rained and that was all! I cancelled my fitness class tonight too. Even though my mind is ready my body just isn’t up for it. It’s 8pm and I’m in the bed. Thank God I made it through the day.

    Friday:

    It’s Friday and today I can open my mouth a little when I talk. Doesn’t look weird anymore!!! I’m sitting on a heating pad all day at work. It’s cold in my building and it’s rainy outside….. my body feels like it’s going to explode! And I’m nauseated. So as of right now I feel exactly like I did before I went to the doctor. But I am hopeful that this will pass. Today I am going to try and get my pictures done for the flyer. That is all I have planned.

    This weekend:

    All should be relaxing. I pray nothing comes up.

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