Short-term Faith in the Valley

Hello FT4 Tribe,

I am finally back! I apologize for the long break. I have been drafting a post since the end of June. I’ve also been in a flare since then. It has been hard finding a good moment to write when my hands are working and I can concentrate. I also wanted to make sure I had something to say that was worth reading. After Sunday I feel like I can finally post! I will share what’s been going on with me at the end of the post.

Now to the good stuff!!

Have you ever had events happen to you and you’re on a high and then all of the sudden there’s nothing happening. Nothing. Nothing good, nothing bad, just nothing. Nothing special. Nothing amazing. There may be a feeling of winds blowing causing you to sway. Or there may be storms that come that scare you. Or a feeling of just something in your way. It’s not big but it’s annoying! Well, that’s how I feel and have felt the passed few weeks. I’ve had some pretty amazing life changes happen but since things have been a little blah. Nothing amazing but nothing horrible either. Everything is just a little mundane. Don’t get me wrong I am thankful for what I have!!! Some may say “who does she think she is to expect good things all the time, to expect blessings and favor all the time? Well….. why wouldn’t I? I am a believer, tithe payer, I work hard and I put good things out so I expect good things to come back to me. Plus what’s wrong with expecting amazingness 🤷🏾‍♀️. I feel like I’m just existing. I’m going through the emotions and actions on life. Kind of like I’m am on auto pilot. Have you ever felt like that?

Yesterday I was awaken at 1:30am by my dogs barking. It startled me. I woke up thinking “do I need to get my gun or is it an animal outside or can I just pray about it and go back to sleep”? I chose to pray about it and went back to sleep 😂. I cut on the fan, cooled off and went back to sleep. I try not to use the fan because being cold isn’t good for my body. Well at 3:30ish I felt pain shoot from the base of my skull to my hips. I was lying on my stomach, on my heating pad and body pillow. As bad as the pain was I couldn’t move. I wanted to get up but it hurt worse to move so I didn’t. I wondered what happened? Yesterday I was 90% pain free. I made it a point to not do much so I wouldn’t be in pain. Yet here I was IN PAIN! IN SEVERE PAIN! The fan! That darn fan!!! It got me. I couldn’t cut it off because I couldn’t move. Ugh!!! I decided I wouldn’t go to church. I didn’t want to move. The outfit I picked out was no longer appealing because it was going to touch my skin. And it’s soooo cold in church. The thought of continuing to be cold gave me anxiety because I knew that equaled more pain! I couldn’t handle more pain. I laid in the bed in pain and for hours trying to go back to sleep. I finally did because at 7:16 my alarm woke me up. Although the pain was less severe I still couldn’t move. Church started at 8am. At 8:07 I was still in bed. I wasn’t going. Then I thought “I would find a way to get up and go to work”. So I counted to 5 and pushed myself off of my bed. I threw on a dress that was long enough to cover my leggings. I wear leggings underneath to provide warmth and keep my skin protected. I got to church and my pastors wife (also my pastor) was asking the church to allow the spirit to lead the service instead of being stuck in a traditional routine. I think sometimes being so strict on how service should look could cause people to miss their blessing 🤷🏾‍♀️. Afterwards another female minister got up to preach. Typically I am not thrilled when we have guest speakers. Today was no different. I had already reached my goal of just going to church. I didn’t really expect anything else while there. Now, the woman that spoke was anointed but I just didn’t feel like listening. (Wheewwww in hindsight I see that spirit almost messed me up).

Her message was about being desperate for God to move. I thought that was pretty cool. Then she gave these lyrics by Smokie Norful

Not a second of another minute.

Not an hour of another day

But at this moment with my arms outstretched

I need you to make a way

That got my attention. That’s exactly how I have been feeling the last few hours. Like Lord come now! Heal me now! Help me now! She spoke from Mark 5. The story of Jesus raising the woman from the dead. Of course I love this story. I mean who doesn’t get excited about hearing of Jesus preforming miracles! In the middle of her short (🙌🏾) sermon I heard “valley” in my spirit. That was kind of odd because it didn’t really have anything to do with what I was hearing from the word. I heard it several more times so I wrote it down to go research it later. To summarize the a man asked Jesus to help his dead young daughter arise. There were people around who taunted him and ask why was he bothering Jesus when the girl was already dead. Jesus heard them and told him “don’t be afraid, just believe” (Mark 5:36). Jesus then put all of them out!! Sounds like what we need to do when we are praying and believing for something but we are around people who don’t believe in us or that He will do it. Let the haters go! Cut them off! Get away from them! If you can’t move them then move yourself!! Jesus separated them so He could perform a miracle! STOP THE PRESSES! Think about that for a min! How many times did He separate you so He could bless you? Whew!!!! At the end of her story she said “my purpose today is to encourage you and tell you what that it may be hard or overwhelming but God is coming to your aide and pray for you who need help”. She called for people with cancer to come down. Not me. She called for something else. Wasn’t me. Then she said “if you need healing from anything”. I thought “I already got prayer for this. I already believe I’m healed. I can’t keep going up there for the same thing”. See how quick the enemy works? He shot his shot🙄.

Well I went anyway. I got to the altar and stood in the long line of others who needed prayer. As I was standing there the choir sang “We claim a healing” over and over. I began to feel like I was going to battle. I was getting stronger! Like maybe I was going to be ok. Then I heard “valley” again. Tears started running down my face. Sometimes you gotta just let it go.

As she got closer to me I began preparing what I was going to say, how I was going to say it and how to throw in prayer for someone close to me too. Ok y’all ready for more awesomeness?

Pause for dramatic effect

The spirit filled healing team of two got to me me and they spoke! One said “God told me it was you” the other followed with “it’s your feet and legs” as she knelt down to pray over my shoeless feet. Y’all!!!!!! I was straight up ugly crying, body shaking and crying out. Did y’all catch that? I was preparing and coming up with a plan BUT when they got to me I didn’t have to say a word because they already knew! All I had to do was come down!!!! So many times we are preparing and planning when God has already worked it out. He is just waiting on us. Waiting to see if we will be obedient and be faithful! They prayed over me and my body followed by my Pastor who sealed the prayer! Why did I break down (other than this)? I broke down because at that moment I knew He heard me. I knew He knew my name. Out of all of the places, all the people in the room, He told her my name! I was feeling so unworthy, insignificant, unimportant, forgotten and over looked! But ohhhhhh BUT GOD! He knows my name! He knows my cry like a parent knows the cry of their child mixed in with 100 other cries. I am (we are) that important to Him!

As if that wasn’t enough in Sunday school we studied 1 Samuel 1:9. This is the story of barren Hannah. Verse says 19 “and God remembered her”. Now God was just showing out!!! So like Him! Going above and beyond for His children!

Short Term Faith:

Sometimes it’s hard to keep my eyes on Him and my faith strong when I am in so much pain I can’t see my way out. Or when: I can’t physically see, the pain is so great I can’t breathe, I’m having panic attacks when I look at the weather for the week and see rain, I feel like I’m walking on bone that are breaking, having panic attacks for an unknown reason. It’s hard to remember the Son in the middle of the storm 😉. Now my long- term faith is unwavering! I know that He is the I am. I know He will heal me of this regardless of what the doctor says. But my short/term needs work! But how do I do that? By putting more word in me! By reading it, listening to it, studying it. By talking to Him and telling Him how I feel and LISTENING to Him. How is your short-term faith? If it’s not as strong as your long-term think of some ways to work on it. If you have something that’s worked for you then please share in the comments section.

The Valley:

The typical definition is a low area between hills or mountains. The Bible, however, refers to the valley in several different context. It can be a place of healing, restoration, decision making, suffering m, and battles. A few of the many valleys talked about it the Bible are:

Valley of Shadow of Death: dark and hopeless place

Valley of Eschol: a place of decision making

Valley of Kidron (Jehoshaphat)- where battles take place

So after researching “Valley” I began to think how does this relate to me and what I’ve been going through and feeling lately? I realize that I am in my valley. I am in a place/season in life where God is holding me if you will. Where He is showing me things, making sure I am where He needs me to be before He can take me to the next level. I’m facing trials, defeating giants, making decisions and learning to rest. My trials are mental and physical. Ive said before that for me it’s a cycle. My physical state effect my mental state. Then my mental effects my physical. For example: my pain levels shoot up and after so much time of being in pain I have a panic attack. Nausea sets in. Stress that I’m dying cause I can’t breathe and wondering will the pain end sets in and makes the attack last longer. Then my body shuts down. It’s a crazy and unfair cycle!

This entire day was a set up!!! God was waiting on me to see if I would do my part by showing up at church. It was a sacrifice but comparing it to His….there is no comparison. He showed me and told me that He hears me and then he showed me where I was in life. Those times where God comes in and cancels all of your doubt are the moments that just put you in awe!! I have to learn to keep the faith and remember that He will heal me in the hard moments. That short-term faith while I’m here in my valley.

Prayer request:

– Angela: healing in kidneys

– Vic: healing in kidneys

– Gunner: continued healing in Brain stem

– Nathan: continued healing in brain and body

– L. M: increase in sleep

– W.B: give peace and strength

– R.C: comfort for family due to a death

– all suffering from mental & physical illnesses

– those fighting cancer

– those fighting depression

– those fighting an invisible illness

I really hope that this has at least made you think. Please leave me a comment! I love reading your thoughts. If you are interested in what’s been going on with me keep reading. If not, have an amazing day!!!

The last few months have been tough! I have made it because of God, encouragement from my mom and dad, prayers from my friends, support from my boyfriend and my Zumba friends! Over the past few weeks panic attacks have come back. I’ve had 3. I’m really not sure of the cause but I think they are pain related. I’ve also been under a lot of stress. I started a business, family stuff and my body is tired. I rest a lot but my body is still exhausted.

Symptoms:

– blurry vision

– muscle fatigue

– muscle cramping

– skin sensitive to touch, air and clothing

– sensitivity to cold

– leg and feet pain

– pain in ribs and chest

– difficultly concentrating

– extreme exhaustion

– lower back pain

– hip pain

– difficultly breathing

– sensitivity to smell. Lately I’ve been smelling like a spicy metal. It’s very random yet aversive!! I smell it in: colognes, perfumes, chapstick, sir freshener, taste it in all sprite and some Mountain Dew 🤷🏾‍♀️.

These are some of the memes that have helped me. Fibro followers I’m sure you can relate. Everyone else probably can too lol.

Obviously this…..

It’s crazy how sitting can exhaust me. The other day I drove home from around the corner and I needed to rest when I got there. 😂😂😂

Well…until God heals me! I will not be doing this for the rest of my life. I have plans!!! Like being a wife, mom and business owner that’s active in everything!!

Pretty much🤷🏾‍♀️And to cope with all of the changes and accept my limitations.

Weather gives me straight up anxiety. I look and calm myself down at the same time.

I made it to the gym 3 days in a row and then my flare got worse. Every time I try and get in a routine my pain gets worse and I have to stop. My mind wants to go everyday but my body is like “uhhhh no” But I am down a total of 14lbs!! I’m excited!

Have an amazing week! Thank you all for encouraging and following me on this journey!!

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Baro Who?

Hello my F4 Tribe!!!

My my has it been a while since I have blogged!!! 2 months!!!!I will attempt to catch you up on life, well what’s been going on in my life. I kind of wish this was a dialogue because I would love to know what you all have been doing. Soooo…. feel free to leave me a quick synopsis of what’s going on under the comments section at the bottom.

Ok so this will be  two part post because I really want to update you BUT  I also want to talk to you about today’s topic; which is……………….. Barometric pressure!!! I absolutely hate it but I am excited to talk about it.

So what is this barometric pressure?

Barometric pressure is atmospheric pressure. (definition from google) I know I know, so official.

How does it affect humans? Well let me tell you what I have been told and experienced.

When asked the question “How does barometric pressure effect you” people with various illnesses said:

  • “I.feel.like.crap”
  • “my head feels like it’s going to pop off”
  • “my back hurts, my shoulders hurt and so do my feet”
  • “I can move”
  • “well, I’ve been in bed all day”
  • “doesn’t bother me much”
  • “my skin hurts on my hands and my legs”

So as I am typing my fingers are beginning to ache and my fingertips are burning as if I have touched something hot. How ironic! And this is why I am making this post. This will be a one part post now. Gotta role with the Fibro punches! So typically hours, sometimes a day before the rain my body begins to hurt. Since my accident I have had no days without pain. That is technically called a “Fibro Flare”. So essentially the traumatic experience or impact of the wreck sent my body into a  flare. And now is raining. I woke up this morning with elevated neck pain, elevated back pain, aching in my limbs, my face (cheek bones and jaw bones) shoulder pain and now my fingers are aching. The ache is similar to a cold, dull yet throbbing pain deep inside the bone. Flares can often be caused by: weather, physical or mental exhaustion or mental/emotional stress. The Fibromyalgia Support Group on Facebook that I speak of sometimes has countless examples of traumatic events that cause people to flares. For example: divorce, cheating spouse, illness of a child or death of friend of family member, car accidents, physical accidents, the common cold, strep  and other illnesses. There is so much that can trigger a flare. Each person is different and each Fibro case is different. Mine started off with extreme muscle cramps that lasted 45 min on average. The symptoms graduated to me not being able to walk sometimes and panic attacks. Now I just have severe pain all over my body. I rarely have pain where I can’t at least walk with a limp (lean with rock with it, haha) or push through it. I may be covered in pain patches BUT I AM MAKING IT!

Other symptoms like headaches, surgery scar tissue or plates, or increased maladaptive behaviors can be caused by barometric pressure change.

Well guys I am going to go rest and my hands have had enough of typing! I have Zumba tonight. YES I STILL TEACH! Now you knew better than to think that. Love you all!!

General Things I’m praying for:

  1. A baby that accidentally shot himself with a nail gun I think (some type of tool). He’s fighting for his life
  2. The family of the 15 year old who killed himself
  3. My friend who has not had more than 3 hours of sleep a night for the past 4-5 months
  4. 2 of my church family members who have broken bones
  5. All who have chronic or mental illnesses who suffer in silence

Songs that are keeping me going:

(ok so….pretty much the entire Songs for the Storm, Vol.1)

And of course my favorite because HE IS tending to me. He sees me. He is keeping me. I am His sheep and He is my Shepherd. And He will come see about me! HE will heal me! Ok let me stop because I when I think about how He is going to heal my bod y from this pain and this illness they say they don’t have a cure from I GET EXCITED and I CAN’T HELP BUT PRAISE HIM!!! WHEWWWWWW! He is So Good!

Have an amazing week Tribe and don’t forget to let me know how you are. Have you had or do you know anyone who experiences symptoms from barometric pressure? If so let me know!!

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So…..

Hey guys!!! Last Tuesday I began writing a post to talk about how well I have been feeling lately! The good things that are happening. How my friends and family are doing. I just wanted to share something positive with you guys because I feel like I’m always complaining and that doesn’t describe me adequately. If you know me you know I try and not complain.

However, Wednesday hit and fibro came back with a vengeance. I’m talking mental, emotional and physical! Like a tornado of crap hit all at once. Needless to say I am going to postpone posting that blog because I want to feel the joy I felt writing it when I post it.

Sooooooo……. since Wednesday I have probably gotten 10 hours of sleep. Yeah it sucks!!!! I feel the cycle starting and the enemy attacking. I said earlier ” I can be strong but it’s like he’s always attacking. Waiting on an opening. He’s gnawing at the bone waiting for it to break off” but as the Bible says the devil roams the earth seeking whom he may devour. BUT I serve a God who also never sleeps or stops working!!!!! Where I am weak He is strong. And this week if it was based on my own accord then I know the devil would have won BUT OHHHHHH to be kept by God!!!

———insert praise break———-

So fast forward to yesterday. My legs have been aching at the bone and my neck has been feeling tired like I just can’t hold it up. Of course I do!! My lower back aches and the inside of my hip bone burns and the bursitis is back. I’ve never felt this before. Oh and my teeth/gum pain is back.

I make it through the breast cancer walk, visit my friend in the hospital and head to bed lol. I slept about an hour then it was time for church this morning.

I woke up feeling like “why should I go” “I’m in so much pain” “No one will even notice” “I’m too tired” “I just want to quit”. Now if the first few thoughts weren’t enough to make you see that the devil was attacking my mind then look at the last one!!!!! Seriously!??? Just that fast I thought about “not being here”. I knew then I was going to church!!! What’s the reasoning? Why waste time going to church when you can have church at home? Well because sometimes the battle is too big and you need to support of your army! Think about it….even the greatest soldier goes to war with his batoon! I know what some of you may be thinking “you said God was all you need”. Well you’re right! I did!!! And He thought enough of me to give me a family who Knows Him, believes in and seeks after Him!!! Church, the right church, is a place where the broken can go and be made whole. The right church doesn’t judge you but they accept you, love and encourage you right where you are!!!! I love my church!!!!

I digress. So I get there and the worship service was for me!!!!! I had to hang my head an ugly cry! Listen to the songs:

I believe by James Fortune and FYA

https://youtu.be/HEBpyfSaDDw

I believe the storm will soon be over.

I believe the rain will go away

I believe it’s already done

See yourself out of the storm. The clouds will move. It’s time to smile again!

this blessing is pre-approved!

I believe that my God is a healer and I believe that I will survive!

I believe that God is able.

It’s already done!

I believe God’s going to do it.

He’s going to do it for you!

It’s Done by Anita Wilson

https://youtu.be/ezkMOvg-3t0

It’s done.

What I shall be I already am.

My eyes may not see it. By faith I believe it.

God is working it out on my behalf.

It’s already done.

Talking about crying!!!! I was CRYYYYY-ing!

Now I’m sitting in church with my hip burning from the outside in. Causing my body to shake and my teeth are aching. Seriously 🤷🏾‍♀️ So I tuned in harder. If the devil is trying this hard then there must be something I need to hear!

Then I went for prayer at alter call. How did my Pastors wife know what was happening??? I didn’t tell her. Anyway she prayed them my pastor prayed! He has the gift of healing.

Talking about being rejuvenated!!

Now yes I am still in severe pain. Yes I am uncomfortable but still smiling. I KNOW I WILL make it!!!!

I am ready to fight this week. Yeah it’s a war BUT I’m showing up and I’m ready to fight!!!

Now here is what I haven’t been doing that I usually do:

1. Didn’t pay my tithe (for those of you who know how important this is I could truly stop there). Paid it today!!!

2. Haven’t spent time with my boo (God) so I don’t feel as close to Him as I have been. Funny how that works.

3. I’ve eaten horribly and my water intake is still drastically lacking

4. No sleep #TeamNoSleep (people post that like it’s cool. I don’t want to be that cool) #TeamImSleepy

Hopefully I sleep tonight!

5. Lack of me time

I will make an effort to change these things this week!

Things to pray for this week:

1. My healing: mentally, physically, financially and emotionally

2. My bible study friends lung collapsed and she’s in the hospital

3. My cousins mom who is starting dialysis soon

4. My mom as she prepares to head out of town

5. My dads health. He never speaks about it but I know he has joint issues as well

6. My friend who has inflamed intestines

7. My friends mom who is awaiting her results to see if she has cancer. And my friend who is her support system while he is dealing with life’s ups and downs

8. My sister

9. My friend who has been dealing with a migraine for a week now

10. All of those who suffer from chronic illnesses and their support system

I pray for each of you reading this post. That God will bind up any affliction that you may be faced with. That He heals you and gives you peace. That He provides clarity on things you can’t see clearly and that you feel His presence with you as you face this week. I pray you know you are not alone in whatever you have going on. I pray He gives you strength to continue to endure until He delivers you!! Trouble does not last always. Joy comes on the mourning! Cry!!! Cry hard!!! Joy is coming!!! Lord we trust you! We worship and adore you. We know that you are Lord and we call you that! You are mighty and sooo good to us. We thank you for making away when we can’t see one. Lord I ask you to continue to guide us as hold our hands as we each travel on our journey this week. Thank you for what you’ve done and what you’re going to do. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!!!

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